I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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