Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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