I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
