If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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