im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
