And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize