I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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