I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
