At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
