i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
