I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize