your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
