so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
