i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
