The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
