Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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