He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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