I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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