oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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