got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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