When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
