it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
