Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
