Well douche your snatch and let's go!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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