Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
