I wish I could punch you in the face.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
