I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
