We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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