Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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