Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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