I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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