god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
