one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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