So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize