Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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