His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
