Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
