screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
