i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
