Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
