So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
