I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
