she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think i have herpe
just one?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
