standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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