Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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