I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
