i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
