Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
