I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
