He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
