I am puke
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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