I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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