pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
