I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
