It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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