forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
