So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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