You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
