If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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