Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
