ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
