Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
