I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I die, sorry about rent.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
