Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
