the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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