I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
