i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
