im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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