im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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