I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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