I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
