Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
